It still feels like yesterday

Its going to be a year now since Harsh and I have been together in the US...and it still feels like it was yesterday. I remember so very clearly the afternoon the plane landed at McNamara from Mumbai via London(my fave city in the world for a lot of reasons...). All excited to meet Harsh, who was, as expected late - people who know him surely know you can expect Harsh to keep you cooling off your heels ! So there I was, a girl full of excitement and anticipation, eager to meet her boyfriend and start a new chapter in her life. After being in a long distance relationship with him for about three years,I was a mixed bag of emotions...excited(to be with him), scared (had left my job, my family and friends), emotional (I had missed him so so very much), nervous(did I look OK...what would he say ? It had been a very long flight and I looked like a mess) and every other emotion one can feel.
I had looked all around the place for him and tried to use the telephone to call him up without luck. The feeling of being in a foreign land, about 20 hours of flight distance between my family and me and all those emotions were not helping me keep my cool...and then in about fifteen minutes I see him walking oh so casually through the door. And now there I was, a girl full of excitement to have conquered every distance to be with the one she loved. When we met, all my mixed feelings were replaced by the calmness and peace he provided...those who know him will know his calm and silent demeanor can be oh so comforting. ..and its going to be a year now since Harsh and I have been together in the US...and it still feels like it was yesterday.

Is the destination or the journey worth it ?

Why is it so difficult to let go of the things we know are not good for us ? Why are bad habits so hard to die ? Why do we embark on these trails when we know that there is no safe way out and that we will be hurt, no matter what path we choose there on...
Be it the habit of smoking where you started it to look cool or fit in with your peers..knowing very well that it has a very sad flip side to it. Once you begin, you might realize that the price you are paying is probably not worth it or that the aim you have now achieved has suddenly lost its charm...but now you are so hooked onto it that it seems OK...
You have quit a million times, only to start again, bringing you back to the place you so badly wanted to get out of.
Or be it the desire to want something you cannot have-the forbidden fruit.
Is it that we are addicted to the pain or to the process of giving it all up leading to the feeling the momentary rush of success followed by the immediate relapse? Do we choose the path of self destruction consciously ?
Is the destination of the forbidden land so appealing that we lose all sense of righteousness ? Who is to say what is right and wrong apart from our conscience? Can we trust our conscience to be our guide ? Do we always listen to this 'guide'? Or do we buckle under the pressure to please our heart over the mind...It is just so convenient to do as the heart pleases when we are the only people that we shall be hurting . We are just so much more careful when there is a loved one involved and avoid doing anything to harm them. But when it comes to ourselves, it is so easy to forget the reason and go with the flow...where ever it leads us, as long as the journey is fascinating...and as long as we think we are the only people that we are risking...
But we never are alone, are we ? There is always a loved one...a family, a friend or more who we eventually let down by letting ourselves down.
Is the destination or the journey worth it ?

The best part of my day...

It’s about 7ish in the evening and I hear a key opening the first latch of our door…in 2 seconds I hear the second latch opening and the door bursts open…he walks in casually and reaches for the coat closet. He hangs his jacket and lifts his face to look at me…pretending that he just noticed when actually, he has been expecting me and waiting for me to come to him. We say our hellos, the hugs and kisses follow and so do the ‘how was your day? ‘,’ how’s it going? ‘,’how was office?’,’ what did the professor say today ?’ and all…We go into the drawing room and sit on the couch…filling each other on the happenings of the day…the usual topics like ‘ you would not believe what Dr.Roberts said today…’,’ really ?thats interesting’…and the moments blend into the night.

It’s the momentary anticipation in the few seconds when he is opening the door…I know its him but I can hardly wait to see him. I have been busy with all the studying, assignments, researching and worrying all day while he was away but I have still missed his presence. It’s about ten hours since I see him leave for work in the mornings when I am half asleep and peeping from below the covers…saying my ‘byeeeeee…have a nice day ‘ s but wishing he would not have to go and yet, it feels like I must have waited for years…

There is a certain peace in the knowledge that there is a constant in the uncertainty of the way the day unfolds. Or maybe it’s just the warmth of those twinkling eyes…It’s the feeling of calm when I see him at the end of it all that makes the mayhem of the day worth enduring. Or maybe its just that smile…whatever it is…these moments are the best part of my day…

I could live a lifetime’s worth of madness, sadness and mayhem in a single day just to experience those few moments at the end and never complain…even if I lived for just a single day.