Sunday, March 24, 2013

A moth to a flame


It has been a long day. It has been snowing for weeks and the winter nights have been long and chilly. She has been looking all evening for a place to stay for the night. A place to rest her tired wings and get some warmth to soothe her aching muscles. Tomorrow will be another day and who knows what challenges that will bring. So tonight she needs to rest. Her eyes need to shut and her mind needs to drift to a faraway place. She looks ahead and darkness stares back at her. Her mind wants her to give up and let go. 'How long can we do this?' It asks her. Even her heart wants to rest. Take a break from the incessant agony of the long winter that it has been. Her eyes are closing and she is barely holding on. Her head turns slightly to the right and she sees a bright spot in the distance. Her eyes widen and her mind takes notice. She turns towards the light and moves towards it. Hope? Perhaps.

As she comes a little close to the light she becomes cautious and waits, staring ahead at it. The light in the darkness brings her some relief. She wants to soar and reach it as fast as possible but there is something holding her back. It that makes her wait instead. She cant put a finger on what it is but it makes her stop. The desires of her heart to reach the light makes her mind cautious. She treads lightly and softly towards the light. As the distance reduces, she can see better. She sees the light. She sees him. He is playing with the wind, moving in sharp movements to escape the winds wrath just in time. He knows the wind is mighty and can take him out in a second but he doesn't care. Some call him too reckless for a flame. Come to think of it, why would a candle flame tease the wind ? Living dangerously like he pleases? Perhaps, like they say 'Live on the edge or you are wasting space...'

He sees movement in the woods. He sees her floating in the evening sky. One look at her and his heart skips a beat. She looks like an angel gliding towards him. Her movements are like a little dance. She moves froward, stops mid air with her wings frantically fluttering to keep her in position like a ballerina pauses before the next move. He knows she is just a moth but there is nothing ordinary about her. He stops his play with the wind and calms down. He draws more energy from the wax and his light now shines brighter. There is a silence between them and it feels like the calm before a storm. Live on the edge...that appears to be taking a different meaning here. He invites her with more glow and warmth. He can see she is tired and needs to rest. He wants to help her and make her pain go away. He wants to make her smile. That is the only thought that crosses his mind. I have to make her smile, I have to see her smile.

As she approaches him her heart beats faster. The warmth she feels from him is just what she needs and her wings relax, but her hearth continues to pound inside her. They look at each other and say nothing. There is no need to say anything that their eyes have not conveyed. She needs what he has and he needs to give. He needs to see her smile.

She sits on the edge of a velvet couch that is next to the table he is on. The softness of the velvet with the warmth of the room lift her spirits. She takes a long breath, closes her eyes and her face relaxes into a smile. He sees that lets out a sigh. Make her smile...

Moments become hours. All they do is be. He shines for her and she rests.

The night melts away and gives way to the dawn. She wakes up and he is nowhere to be seen. The candle is cold and the sun will be out in a bit. 'I wish I could thank him', she thinks. She knows she has to go and meet the day for it is the nature of things. She has to keep moving. She wakes up and starts flying. Today is already better, warmer. The air is crisp and the sun is brighter. Everything looks bright and there is a hint of happiness. Is it the air or is it her? Is it him? She wonders. His thought makes her pause and she hopes she gets to see him again. The day progresses with normalcy. As the evening approaches she starts moving towards his house. As she approaches the window she sees him playing with the wind. Teasing it and moving away just in time when the wind lashes at him. He senses her presence in the woods and hopes she will come to him tonight. He pretends to ignore her and continues to play with the wind. He also shines a little brighter in the hope to attract her. It works for she comes to him and rests on the couch. She looks at him and smiles. He looks back and smiles. 'Long day?' he asks her. 'Long winter actually, and its just the beginning. Today was better though. I have to thank you for everything you did'. 'You are welcome', he says. Their first conversation. Not really, they said all there was to on the first night but no words were exchanged then. Words were not needed.

She leaves the following morning and he is gone again. They meet in the evening and let the night pass. They don't really speak much but words were never needed between them. The winter moves at a slow pace. He shines bright for her and she rests. Days become weeks and the winter becomes harsher.

One evening she is late. He can't focus and worries. Nothing interests him, not the wind nor other moths who frequent the place. Moments become hours and it is midnight when he finally sees her. She looks exhausted and weak. That worries him and he shines brighter in an attempt to make his warmth reach her faster. She comes to him and sits on the couch. His light is too bright and the warmth is too much for her. She moves away from him to the other couch which is at a distance from him. That worries him even more and he shines brighter so the warmth will reach her at the new distant location she is in. She feels it and looks at him. 'I am fine. It is ok', she says. He relaxes and the warmth reduces. He does not like the distance she has between them. It bothers him. She rests on the soft couch and in his warmth. The winter is getting harsher as it progresses. Today she had to battle with the winds and the snow storm. It is the nature of things. She cannot stay and not move. She has to face it and move ahead everyday. Tonight though, she needs to rest.

The following day another snow storm stares at her. He is gone again and she wishes the night was longer so she could rest longer. She picks herself up and moves ahead to face whatever the new day offers her. That evening she is late again and he is anxious. When he sees her approaching he is angry, impatient, relieved, happy and calm all at the same time. She looks exhausted and it hurts him. He knows he can make her smile and his desire to do that has never been stronger than what it is in this moment. She comes to him and sits on the couch. Her wings relax and her heavy breathing begins to slow down. His warmth makes her feel a little better, but does not make her smile. Today was a tough day. His desire to help her makes him impatient. I have to make her smile, she has to smile. Caught in this desire he draws more energy from the wax and shines brighter. The warmth explodes and she feels pain in her wings. She is startled and begins to move away. Her wings are hurt and burnt. She falls to the ground. She tries to get up and fails again. She cannot move. He sees her and realizes what has happened. He calms down and waits for her to move. His mind is blank and no thoughts appear. He waits with the hope that she will move.

Moments pass and she lies motionless. She is breathing softly but does not move. An hour later, she tries. Her wings hurt but she can get up and move a few inches. He looks at that and takes a breath. She moves again and flies a little further. She sits on the window far away from the warmth. He is relieved that she is alive but the memory of what happened a few hours ago comes back to him. He cannot understand why he did what he did and why did it happen that way. He wanted to make her smile and the warmth always made her smile. How did he overdo it? How did he not realize how strong he was and what her limits were? All he wanted to do is make her smile and take her pain away. How could he hurt her? How did that even happen? His darkness is darker than the deepest night.

It is early dawn and she is sitting by the window. The sun is not out yet and he is still there. She wants to move away from him. The pain is unbearable for her. All she wants to do is move away from him. She looks out the window and there is snow and wind. The outside looks rough to her but inside she feels trapped. She needs to decide where she can be. She lifts herself up and tries to fly out the window. Her wings have lost their strength and she falls down on the snow. It is cold and painful. He calls out to her to come back but she cannot hear him, the wind is blowing snow towards her. She picks herself up again and tries to fly. Her movements are slow but she moves ahead. It is the nature of things. She has to move.

The evening comes and goes but no sign of her. He waits for her or any news about her. Did she make it through the day? Does she hate him for hurting her? Does she know it was never his intention to hurt her, he could never do that? That he could give anything to bring her back? Make her smile...its all that matters to him. How could he? Just how could he?
All he has now are his thoughts, his memories of her and one question waiting for an answer - will I ever see her again?